Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
