I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize