The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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