Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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