we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
