Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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