Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
