Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
