I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
