my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
