this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
