She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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