i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
