dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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