At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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