gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
