I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
