yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
