I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
