Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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