I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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