I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
