erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
