Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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