Did you just see the Batmobile???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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