i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
