Small penises have feelings too.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
