I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
