last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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