I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
