If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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