At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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