pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
