Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
another moral hangover. fuck.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
