Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
