My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize