Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
