so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
