i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
