What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
