I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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