Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
