I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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