He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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