The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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