I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
