Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
