He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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