Will you blow on my dice?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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