Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
