so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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