I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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