Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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