I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
