Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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