He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
