Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
