you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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