it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize