this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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