i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
they call him Oral-B. enough said
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
