fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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