Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
