Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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